The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
