I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
