Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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