Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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