Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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