We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
