There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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