if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
