just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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