So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
