He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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