i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
