So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
