i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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