i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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