seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
