I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
