Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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