She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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