somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
