why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
