A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
