Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
