My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
