If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
