I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
