he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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