Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
