You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
