omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
