dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
