And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
