Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
