Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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