thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
