Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
