why didn't you poke me back
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
