Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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