So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am one with the molecules
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
