Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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