His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
