its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
