"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's get the cat blown out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
