my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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