physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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