Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
