Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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