Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario

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(703): View more from Virginia

i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day

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(631): View more from New York

Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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(928): View more from Arizona

I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

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(903): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

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(516): View more from New York

I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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(914): View more from New York

We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving

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(785): View more from Kansas

When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.

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