hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
