I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
People in love make me want to vomit
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
