Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
